Sun down, yellow Moon

We all have anxieties, don’t we?

My friend Simran had a lot of anxiety some time ago. She used to snap at people for no reason, couldn’t enjoy the beautiful days, and even food didn’t taste that good when the mind was on a furious run towards no particular target. If steps are not taken to cure anxiety, it becomes a habit, and eventually ruins other better habits. But how to fucking cure this disease??? Sorry, I am feeling a bit anxious.

So what Simran did is this. She drank a lot of water, exercised, she reduced her screen time, she started writing a journal. But to her surprise, nothing actually helped bring down the levels of anxiety. And yes, it is really hard being that patient when you are anxious. I, being a person who can’t stop speaking, told her to start meditating.

“I don’t wanna meditate.”

“But why?”, I asked her

“I can’t. I am so anxious that I just can’t”, she protested with all her will.

I remember how when I feel so anxious that I can’t bear a single more thought. She must be going through that. She is right, it is difficult to meditate when you are feeling that level of anxiety.

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult” — Senenca, Letter CIV

“You can’t expect to get the fire before you put in the logs girl”, I told her.

She eventually didn’t meditate. For days in a row, she felt so anxious that it would be better to bang her brain against a wall than to spend another second with it. And then she eventually gave up, probably succumbed under the pressure of a killing headache and uncontrollable thoughts.

“It felt like someone took off a 100kg of weight off from my head. It was just a 5-minute session. And at the end of it, the world fell right into place. I felt like I haven't felt that peace in years and decades. So quiet!”, she told me the next day.

I looked at her in surprise. She really felt more relaxed, more beautiful, and more joyful, Simran, the way she is!

The moral is certainly not to ask you to meditate but this — “Don’t wait for things to be perfect to take the action. Things will be right when the action is taken.”

Imagine Simran gathering the courage to meditate on the first day instead of waiting for her anxiety to end to decide to meditate. It’s difficult, but it’s rewarding!

Rajat Upadhyay

We had a falling-out
Like lovers often will…